5 Ways To Instantly Boost Your Dating Confidence

May 20, 2019 at 11.58am by in Dating advice
A couple on a date

Dating confidence. Why do some people have it and others don’t? More specifically, why don’t you?

As the old saying goes, all’s fair in love and war. When it comes to the world of dating, it can often seem like some of your weapons are simply out of date. It’s no longer enough to rely on good looks, intelligence, a sense of humor or even your own winning personality. There’s a certain subtlety, an unspoken charm, a charisma that you need to possess in order to make your mark in the high risk game of romance.

Or is there?

If you’re expecting a secret formula when it comes to finding the right match, you’re going to find yourself sorely mistaken. It’s as much a game of chance as anything else in life. But there is a secret weapon when it comes to dating. It’s called confidence; and it’s just as necessary in the workplace as it is in the trials of romance. In fact, it affects every aspect of your life. Every waking moment. What is the big secret about confidence?

It’s not inherent. It’s learned.

Dating confidence isn’t something anyone is born with. We all start off as blank slates. Blank and…awkward. Some of us may remain that way. A lack of self esteem can prove to be a legitimate barrier—not just to dating, but to your success in just about anything. That’s the bad news. Is there good news? Yes, there’s a few simple tips to boost not only your dating confidence, but your self esteem as well.

Dating Confidence Tip # 1: The Eyes Always Have It

You wouldn’t believe how next to impossible it is for many people to make eye contact. For some it’s the hardest thing in the world. There’s something about eye contact which seems to reveal absolutely everything about a person. No one wants to reveal absolutely everything about themselves—especially when dating. At least, at first.

The problem is that eye contact expresses confidence, security, and inner calmness. Traits just about everyone looks for in a partner. If you’re lacking in those traits, here’s an interesting trick. Try looking in the mirror. Force yourself to think of something positive. Did you see your eyes light up? Now think of something that makes you sad. It’s telling, isn’t it? Practice this a few times until it no longer seems forced, but natural. Once you get the hang of it, try making eye contact on your next date. The reaction may surprise you!

Dating Confidence Tip # 2 : Empathy Is Its Own Reward

Think of precisely why you’re dating. Companionship? A sense of security? Or are you looking to make a deep and genuine connection with someone?

Chances are, it’s the latter. But a connection doesn’t happen without a sense of empathy at some level. You can’t develop empathy if you’re not listening to what someone is trying to say. The key to empathy isn’t sympathy or pity. At its core, it means to relate to someone (Remember? You’re looking for a relationship.) Empathy doesn’t necessarily have to be a deep and profoundly life altering bond at first. It can be as simple as a favorite restaurant or movie. Eventually over time you’ll see that spark blossom into something else entirely.

Dating Confidence Tip # 3 : Respect Yourself

This isn’t the easiest thing for many people to do, especially if you’ve had to face toxic environments (in particular, relationships) in the past. It’s very easy to fall into a trap of repeating vicious cycles, and the effect they have on your self esteem is unquestionably devastating.

You can fight this cycle of negativity with an equal cycle of productivity. Take the time to make a list of your immediate goals in order of priority. Review it and see which ones are easily obtainable. This could be as simple as starting an exercise regimen or as challenging as going back to school for a degree. Recognising that the only thing holding you back from attaining your goals is your own negative self image is the most important (and frequently, the only) step you can take towards breaking negative cycles.

Dating Confidence Tip # 4 : Say It With Kindness

One of the most revealing traits of someone with little confidence in themselves is fashionable cynicism. If you make the presumption that the world or life is inherently negative, the result is inherently negative for you.

Cynicism is like a magnet. It only attracts more cynicism,and perpetuates more cynicism. Unfortunately, no one likes a cynic. At least not for long. No one will ever consider it a worthwhile trait in a long term romantic partner. Try for a space of two weeks to say nothing but kind words to the people around you—even if it’s entirely forced. You might find their perceptions of you have changed dramatically. And yours of them. Remember, confidence isn’t a quality, It’s an attitude. Lose your bad one.

Dating Confidence Tip # 5 : There’s Nothing Like The Real Thing

You’ve probably noticed by now that the most insecure people you know are frequently the most arrogant. They brag about themselves, their accomplishments, and generally puff themselves out to overcompensate for their own lack of self esteem. This isn’t confidence, it’s a defense mechanism.

If you can see through it, so can others. No one would ever appreciate dating a cartoon outside of… other cartoons. And that’s probably not something you need in your life. People appreciate a lack of pretense because just like you, they don’t have time to play games. Be honest with others, even if it means being vulnerable. But most of all, be honest with yourself. Re-examine your needs, your dreams and what you’re looking for in a relationship. You’ll likely find that all three are within your grasp.

Now that you know where to look.

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