Dating Advice: Different Stages of an International Relationship

The high divorce rate in our society means most relationships don’t really work (statistics don’t include married couples who are unhappily married & don’t include couples who didn’t get married in the first place & merely broke up later on). Well, the good news is research shows that international relationships are more likely to be successful.

The first stage is initial attraction.

As the most interesting stage of an international relationship, you feel energized and excited every single day because the sky is brighter and the grass is greener. You are falling in love.

Now you are attracted to your Ukrainian girlfriend. Dopamine and oxytocin give you various wonderful emotions and feelings every day.

Yet the most common issue at this stage is failure to stick to your standards.

Because your body is producing oxytocin and dopamine all day every day, you would do anything for each other during the initial attraction stage. However, this high level of hormonal production will only last for 18 months maximum as your brain and body have a protection system – if high levels of hormonal production keep happening forever, it can affect your longevity, because fear and excitement activate the same part of the human brain.

Usually, a woman’s intense hormonal production can keep happening for 1.5 years, whilst a man’s intense hormonal production can only keep happening for half a year. Consequently, most men would move onto the next stage faster.

When you are always excited, you may fail to stick to your high standards. Indeed, people’s standards might go out of the window when they are so in love. That’s how dumb decisions are made. Having said that, there are many ways to keep the peace at the initial attraction stage of an international relationship. For example, when you set up the right parameters for your Ukrainian girlfriend, she will have realistic expectations & this relationship will be more successful and more stable.

The second stage of a relationship is power struggle.

This doesn’t sound very pleasant or pretty, but it’s the uncomfortable truth. After the initial attraction stage, you will calm down and start to analyze the dynamics in this relationship in a more realistic way. Now you and your Ukrainian girlfriend may try to change each other so as to fit your own wants.

I would argue that even some other relationships follow this pattern as well. For instance, let’s say two people meet each other in a business context. At the beginning, their “honeymoon stage” means they really like each other and respect each other. But after a while, when they actually start to do business together, they are more likely to enter the power struggle stage, too.

Robert Greene (author of “The Laws of Human Nature” and “The 48 Laws of Power”) argues that trying to influence other people is human nature – everyone (including children) wants to do it & it’s very natural and normal.

Although there is nothing wrong with this stage of a relationship, it’s still the most dangerous stage of a romantic relationship because failure to mold each other in the right manner may result in a failed relationship.

Many individuals try to mold their romantic partners into perfect people as they have a wish list which was created by very high expectations. So, a lot of couples break up during this stage and wouldn’t even enter the next stage.

Truthfully, most individuals are not on their best behavior any longer at this stage, i.e. the power struggle stage means things are getting real. Unfortunately, not everyone is aware of the fact that influencing their partners’ behavior is very, very difficult.

That being said, you can still make sure the communication is honest, open and candid – that’s the ideal way to understand your girlfriend and know what you should keep working on in the future. I know a relationship is also work, yet it is not supposed to feel like very hard work if you and your girlfriend are able to communicate with each other effectively and kindly.

The third stage of a relationship is harmonious love.

After the second stage, you arrive at harmonious love stage. This is exactly when you and your Ukrainian girlfriend have figured out how to get along with each other in life.

For instance, both of you agree that having a date night once a fortnight is perfect. Both of you agree that eating in a restaurant once a week is great. Both of you agree that spending Christmas holidays with your parents is right.

I know this sounds so good, but there is still a common issue at this stage of a relationship. Please let me explain.

When you enjoy harmonious love, this relationship might lack spontaneity and excitement. As things have already become stable, the dynamics could be boring. As I see it, what you have in common creates rapport and stability, whilst your differences make the romantic relationship highly interesting!

Therefore, lack of spontaneity and excitement might result in boredom in a relationship. This is exactly when some people cheat on their spouses. Remember: men and women are both motivated by variety to some degree.

However, you can keep the peace at this stage of an international relationship. You may introduce novelty back to this romantic relationship by travelling together and having new shared experiences together. This is a good way to build the foundation of a true connection.

Also, you should grow together by going to personal development workshops, reading books or running a c0mpany together. Then you will grow towards the same direction in life!

The fourth stage is commitment.

If you and your Ukrainian lady have completed the third stage successfully, you will commit to each other forever. This is when you start to explore a serious relationship that will last for a lifetime. Thus, you are in the fourth stage – commitment.

Note that commitment is about having a shared blueprint which is compelling enough to bond you as a married couple.

Now, devotion, a shared vision and living together as a married couple are all signs of commitment. Of course, you are already accepted by each other’s social circle as a couple, too.

Yet the most common issue at this stage is financial dispute. We all know that money is a typical taboo topic in our society, so a lot of couples never talk about money. As a consequence, financial dispute often rocks up during this stage of a relationship. Some couples are married and then they realize that their financial dispute is very, very real.

Luckily, you can keep the peace at the fourth stage by having straightforward and honest discussions with your Ukrainian bride about finances. Creating a clear financial plan and a realistic financial goal together, and then you won’t have conflict in this regard!

The final stage is complete trust.

Now you are happy, satisfied and relaxed because you totally trust each other. You just keep sharing everything with each other for the rest of your life.

At last, someone has become the one. But at this stage, you might take each other for granted. Nevertheless, you can always bring the courtship back! Remember to keep impressing each other!

“Look at your Ukrainian lady’s eyes with uncontrollable attraction, radical attention and real curiosity – just like when your eyes met her eyes for the first time.”