From the first message to the first date: how does the best dating site work?

Obviously, Internet dating is commonplace right now because everything is digital these days. But it doesn’t mean everyone knows how to use the best dating website correctly; hence, I’ve decided to provide you with a how-to guide today!

• The first message shouldn’t be a low-effort message.

If you send something like “Hi” to a lady online, she probably wouldn’t even respond unless you look like Brad Pitt. In other words, if you have good looks, you need less attractive behavior; if you don’t have good looks, you need more attractive behavior.

In reality, most men don’t look like Brad Pitt. So, please make sure the first message that you sent to a lady on the Internet is something more interesting than “Hi”.

A low-effort message can be a generic message that you send to 100 women as well. Without any tailored/personalized content, the message’s conversion rate will be lower. (Yes, online dating is about converting strangers into potential girlfriends).

Let’s say you are looking for a job. You would be ill-advised to send 100 generic resumes to 100 companies, for these companies clearly have different expectations, requirements, and cultures. That is to say, every resume that you send to a company should be tailored according to that company’s situation. Then you will possibly get an opportunity for a job interview. Having said that, if you have a unique and sought-after skill, you don’t need to spend too much time writing your resume – a generic resume will be fine! Therefore, a person with a sought-after skill can afford to send generic, low-effort resumes, whereas someone without a sought-after skill can’t afford to do that and must send tailored resumes.

Similarly, women are evaluating men on the best dating websites (some women are doing this without consciously being aware of their evaluation). Thus, it is your responsibility to send the right messages to women online.

Here is a list of good examples (the first message to a woman on the best dating site):

1. “Hi, Blue_Eyed! Thank you for reading my message. I noticed your dating profile and I really like it. In fact, I have secretly liked Titanic for 22 years as well because that movie is very well done and it’s not overdone.” (Note that this message indicates you have actually read her dating profile which mentions she is a fan of the movie Titanic. Because Titanic has a very strong emotive power, your message will help you build an emotional connection with this woman instantly.)
2. “Hey, Red_Ruby! Thanks for reading my message. I also miss Spice Girls because I grew up with their music. I guess my ears have a very good memory, so every time I listen to Spice Girls, I feel young again.” (This message immediately shows a common interest that you share with this lady, so she will want to talk to you – Spice Girls is beyond music as it’s about the time you and she grew up!)
3. “Hello, Rhythm_of_the_Rain. Thank you for checking my message. I like reading, too. In fact, I’m a member of the XYZ book club which is going to have an event this Sunday. I think you should come!” (This message is already inviting the lady to an event, so the first date is not going to be awkward – you will meet this lady in a public place where other people will be around as well. The first date will have an external focus, so it’s going to be very natural and interesting. If it goes well, you can always have a second date! Also, because this message doesn’t ask, “Would you like to come?”, you look high-value and confident – using a statement is always better than using a question – just assume she is interested! If she doesn’t want to go to the event, you don’t have anything to lose.)

• Don’t become pen friends with a woman!

If you keep talking to a woman on the best dating site for too long, you two are pen pals. Therefore, you would be well-advised to meet her in person as soon as possible.

Let’s say you’ve met a woman on the best international dating website and she lives in a foreign country. You’d better book a flight and meet her there within a few months. Don’t wait for one year! Don’t let another year go by without progress.

Also, when you talk to each other online for too long, you might fall in love with perception in your head. She might be very different in reality, so you should find out the truth quickly. In this way, you won’t waste your time.

• Use the Primacy Effect to your advantage on the first date.

Remember to ask the lady out for the first date as soon as possible so that you will know whether she is the right woman for you or not.

The first date is very important because sometimes the first impression is also the last impression – this is called the Primacy Effect.

Primacy Effect refers to the fact that people tend to remember what they noticed first during the interaction. That’s exactly why when the first date didn’t go well, chances are you won’t have a second date.

Now you are aware of the Primacy Effect, so you should be very well-prepared for the first date. Even if you visit your lady in a foreign country, it doesn’t mean she should take you to places that she wants to go to – you still need to be in control. That means you need to do some research in advance: Which restaurants have the most romantic ambiance in her city? Which movies can you see at the cinema when you are there? Do some homework beforehand, please.

In terms of which restaurant you should go to in her city, you can check Google reviews and Yelp reviews carefully before making a decision. As to which movie you should take her to see in the cinema, you may choose a horror movie so that she will need your physical “protection” then and there! That is the perfect way to build chemistry fast with the lady from the best dating site.

• Use the Recency Effect when you end a date.

Recency Effect refers to the fact that people tend to remember what happens in the end during the interaction. In the dating context, basically, it means when you end date, you should end it at its peak.

Don’t make the date too long because when a date keeps going for 4 or 5 hours, it will become boring. Or you might feel that you have to get physical on the first date. This can leave the wrong impression.

Ideally, the first date should be 1-2 hours maximum. Make it short and sweet. End it during its highlight, so that the lady from the best dating site will want to see you again!

“Sufficient preparation is the prerequisite of confidence.”