How to recover from the heartbreak & thrive on an international dating site

Usually, after a breakup, men are immediately happier, but then feel totally heartbroken after several months. However, women feel the intense pain at first, but they recover much faster later on. Having said that, full recovery probably has nothing to do with gender; it’s all about doing the right things while allowing time to heal all wounds.

• What not to do after a breakup:

Don’t look through old photos. Don’t call your ex-wife/ex-girlfriend. Don’t text her. Don’t idealize the previous relationship. Don’t blame yourself for what happened.

Many things in life aren’t magic. Most things are decisions. For instance, you can decide to move on.

Without this clear decision, you might get stuck for a very long time. A friend of mine wanted to run a life coaching business in a small town. He has been trying that for many years and it’s not successful. He has hired many business consultants to help him with his business and marketing, but none of those worked. I personally looked at his body of work and can confirm that life coaching isn’t the right niche for him – that is my honest opinion. Most people wouldn’t tell him to quit his dream because no one wants to offend him. As he hired me to do some work last year and was unable to pay me, he still owes me money. Then I realized that a lot of those business consultants charged him a large amount of money in order to teach him how to build and sell digital products that are scalable, but none of those was working, so I basically told him that he has to find a way to start making some money, e.g., doing some one-on-one coaching first, even though one-on-one coaching isn’t scalable. Scalability is very rare in the first 5 years of a business. When he asked me to be his business partner, I said no. He almost cried. Therefore, I said to him, “Your parents told you to get a real job because they want to protect you. You have to be practical. If your business consultants tell you to get a real job or to do some one-on-one coaching, you wouldn’t pay them. That’s why they have to talk about creating digital products.” I told him the truth because I actually care about him, although the truth hurts.

I tell you this true story here because I’d like to let you know that moving on from failure is actually a decision. It’s not magic. A person’s life is shaped by this individual’s decisions.

• How to close a chapter of your life:

When a romantic relationship ends / someone is made redundant by the employer / a business partnership is over, closing a chapter of life is key.

You must find a much bigger purpose.

A close friend of mine is a 37-year-old woman who has been single for many years. In truth, she probably has been single all her life because even though she was married in her 20s, that marriage didn’t look like a proper marriage. She gave up her romantic life when she was about 34 or 35 years old because she realized a few things:

1. When she went to see a psychologist so as to find out why she is single, the psychologist told her that there is nothing wrong with her – being single is totally fine. It’s a valid way of life.

• If being in a romantic relationship isn’t her purpose on this planet, she must have a bigger purpose. She shouldn’t waste more resources in order to find a relationship. Therefore, she has decided to focus on running her own freelance writing business, building an amazing lifestyle full of interests and hobbies, nurturing her friendships and spending more quality time with her family.

This woman has found a bigger purpose beyond being a man’s wife. This is a feeling that she always has good value to offer this world. It’s also a feeling that somebody would be very lucky to date her. Now disappointments don’t even matter because she has a why big enough to keep her happy.

I’m not saying everyone should be single. I actually highly value romantic relationships. I’m just saying when you suffer from a broken heart, you may need to rediscover where your life is heading for and what truly matters in your life. Then you will know that you are definitely more than a guy who has a broken heart. In fact, you are also a good example of surviving/recovery/thriving. There are 1,000 other things that clearly define you beyond a relationship. Now you are really empowered and can succeed in international dating.

“After a breakup, please remember that you are more than a guy who has been disappointed / more than a story of heartbreak. When you find a bigger why, you will be ready for international dating.”