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How to maintain the romance in a marriage with a Russian wife

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Daniel is an Australian man married to a Russian wife. He has decided to share his experience with us today & let’s find out how Daniel maintains the romance in his marriage so well.

Date nights are so key!

Life is never the same after kids. Daniel and his Russian wife understand that, so they proactively maintain the romance in their marriage after their son was born.

“I was divorced before,” says Daniel, “At that time, my ex-wife and I had twins, and life was never the same. Lack of experience caused conflicts in that marriage, so we got a divorce. But this time, my wife from Russia and I know how to make our marriage work after giving birth to our son. It’s my responsibility to look after my marriage. In my opinion, regular date nights are very important. My marriage needs to come first. My marriage has to be a priority above my children.”

Daniel and his Russian lady swear by weekly date nights. They used to have a monthly date night, but after their son was born, they prefer weekly date nights. Usually, Daniel plans their date night, but occasionally, his lady from Russia plans the date night. The key is to spend time with each other without kids. In this way, their marriage is better and better. Happy couples make happy families, so kids in their households also benefit from their date nights indirectly.

Some women may feel guilty about spending time with their husbands away from their kids or work, but Daniel and his Russian mail-order bride recommend taking a deep look at what is actually driving that guilt. The limiting belief that your children won’t be okay unless you are with them at all times will take you down in the end, and it is not good for your marriage or your children anyway.

If your marriage didn’t work out for whatever reason, I’m not saying lack of date nights is the reason for your divorce or separation. There can be 1,000 reasons why marriages don’t work out and it’s not your fault if you are not married anymore. Having said that, investing in your marriage over time will definitely amount to a lot of difference in your communication, intimacy and connectedness when your marriage is right for you both to be in at the right time.

Don’t ignore your friends.

Many couples begin to spend less and less time with their friends after they got married. But that’s actually a mistake. You still need to prioritize friendships after getting married because you shouldn’t expect your marriage to meet all your emotional needs. If you expect your Russian wife to meet all of your emotional needs, that’s not really fair & it’s possibly going to disappoint you in the long term because nobody can do it all. Everyone needs more than their spouse, their kids and their family. People need one another.

Therefore, apart from your date nights, you also need to spend time with your friends. When you are filled up from spending time with friends, you will become a better husband, father, boss, community member, employee, son…. Spending time with other men who give you energy makes you a better man.

Yes, it takes work to make a marriage work. But it’s worth it! When you acknowledge your part in what’s not working and are willing to do the work in order to help the marriage thrive, and open up the lines of communication so as to logistics run smoothly in your household, you will realize that the small weekly investments add up to a big load of collaboration, connection and peace which will require so much less cleanup from misunderstanding and miscommunication.

The power of surrender:

Maybe sometimes you get yourself so rooted in a set of rules to the point of dogma, channeling all your worry and distress and fear and sadness into perfection. If you make it all about following the rules, you wouldn’t have to feel how difficult it is to be responsible for the wellbeing of your family – this is especially true when you have kids.

The truth is there is no one set of rules that will work for everyone in every situation. Your inner guidance is the best leader you have. Don’t follow anything unless it’s been run through your inner wisdom first and it’s been deemed a fit for you and your circumstances, soul qualities and preferences.

In fact, trying to control everybody and everything around you is both exhausting and impossible. The constant worry of whether or not some rules are followed strictly is very draining. Therefore, please stop trying to control everything in your marriage with a Russian wife.

Here are some of the things that you can control:

  1. What you do and don’t put in your mouth;
  2. How much and how deeply you breathe;
  3. The words that come out of your mouth;
  4. When and if you move your body;
  5. How you respond to situations going on in your life;
  6. Your emotional regulation related to those situations;
  7. Your intentions;
  8. Your actions;
  9. What you put your attention on.

Here are some of the things that you can’t control:

  1. Other people’s intentions;
  2. The actions of others;
  3. What other people say;
  4. What other people feel;
  5. All of the situations in your life in their totality;
  6. Your kids’ destiny.

“As I see it, the only time you can change another person is when they are in diapers,” says Daniel’s Russian wife, “Even when they are in diapers, one of the only things that you can actually change is their diapers. No matter what their age, who they are is pretty much who they are!

If you can’t surrender and feel anxious all the time, now is a good time to look inside and ask yourself these questions:

  1. What am I trying to control now that is not something that’s really under my control?
  2. What can I stop doing that can allow me to reclaim my power and my strength to invest in things I really have control over?
  3. What would it feel like to surrender in this area of my life?
  4. How can my Russian wife support me in this area?
  5. How can I support my Russian lady in this area?

“When we release our control over situations and people in our lives that are really outside of our control anyway, we not only reclaim our strength and energy, but also give a shout-out to the cosmic forces that communicates power,” says Daniel, the Australian man who is married to a Russian woman, “I know this sounds a bit woo-woo. But it’s a way to explain the importance of surrender. I don’t have to micromanage everything in my life. I surrender because I’d like to see the wonder that comes from letting things unfold on their own.”

“When I let go of how I think things should be, it usually ends up way better than I could have ever imagined.”

  • Walter

    That’s true! My wife and I were friends for 6 years. Thereafter we became a couple. 👌

    Reply

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