How to Protect Yourself in Relationships

dating and relationships

A lot of people have had the misfortune of encountering losers, users, and abusers in their history of dating and relationships. While it is not possible to completely stay away from a bad relationship, it is possible to notice signs and get out quickly. So, here are some tips we recommend keeping in mind so you stay away from toxic and bad relationships:

You have to have high standards and stick to them at all times.

You join the dating scene to find love. Yet the uncomfortable reality is that losers, users, and abusers do exist in society. Remember: You teach others how to treat you. Without high standards, you are literally saying, “I am willing to accept whatever treatment you give me.” Sad but true.

Hence, you should set high standards and never settle for less. In fact, if you choose to settle for less, you will always get less than what you settle for. So long as you can remember this principle, you will avoid losers, users, and abusers in dating and relationships.

Note that if you do not stick to your high standards, you are very vulnerable. A user can manipulate you into doing what they want. A user may talk you into doing whatever they want you to do, whether or not it is something you want as well. When you do not know what you want, a lack of clarity will mislead you in so many ways. This is dangerous for your well-being.

What if you are already in a toxic relationship?

People who have watched the popular American TV show Mad Men may remember that Donald Draper sleeps with ladies for professional reasons. Don Draper had a casual relationship with Bobbie to profit from Bobbie’s husband. He had a casual fling with Rachel to land that account. Then he had another fling with Faye to improve his career. I don’t know whether Don has ever loved these women or not; however, he has certainly used these ladies.

As a matter of fact, Don is not in a real relationship with any of those ladies, as he never gives these ladies a commitment in the first place. Thus, people don’t hate Don. Yet can you imagine if you’re in the shoes of one of those women?

Well, that sounds quite difficult. However, this is not just something that happens in a show. It has happened in real life, too. Please read the true story below.

I knew a lady named Sandra who married a typical user. Let’s call him Brad (These aren’t their real names.) Brad married Sandra because he knew that Sandra came from an affluent family and had a great career. Brad wasn’t a top performer but he was quite an ambitious man with an agenda. He found a way to get Sandra to move to Los Angeles with him so that he could have more business opportunities in Los Angeles. Sandra said yes to that idea. Although Brad used Sandra and then they moved to L.A. for Brad’s future career, in actuality, Sandra was an alert woman who moved to L.A. for herself and her future career.

Basically, Sandra outsmarted Brad by establishing herself in Los Angeles. She left her previous position and found a very high-profile job that suited her very well. She came to know that her marriage was a sham marriage based on the way Brad was treating her. This smart cookie figured out that Brad was just using her and was able to figure out his secret agenda. She gradually became distant in that marriage and was able to recover quickly following their separation. Sandra has since started to date a decent guy in Los Angeles.

As I write this blog post now, Sandra and Brad have divorced. Since Brad is a user and a loser at the same time, he couldn’t succeed in L.A. and had to go back to that small town. Right now, Sandra and her new boyfriend Phil are happily engaged.

How to out-use & out-smart users, abusers, and manipulators:

If you are already in a toxic relationship, here’s the ultimate advice –

Out Use a User

You can out-use a user at any time so long as you are aware of what you can negotiate for. Actually, in life, you do not get what you want or deserve; you only get what you are able to negotiate for. What the user wants is exactly what motivates this person. Therefore, you just have to use what this person wants to entice the user. After that, you should find a method to get what you desire. Once you have got what you desire, it’s time to leave the relationship quickly, for if you stay in that toxic relationship, the user may take 10 times as much in the future.

By the way, if you are wondering what the user will do after you are gone, I can tell you that the user will be quiet nine times out of ten. This is because the user does not want other people to know that someone out-used them! It’s something to be ashamed of – it’s not something that the user would be proud of.

Negotiate

If you’re in a relationship with a toxic manipulator, you are playing chess daily, sadly. That being said, if you are actually in this scenario, you can be a smart cookie and negotiate with the manipulator tactfully. Do not let the manipulator know what you are up to. Always make sure that your private life and professional life both have nothing to do with the manipulator. Yes, this can be done.

For example, you would be well-advised to set up your bank account in another bank or find an effective way to keep your money yours only. If you’ve changed your job, do not tell the manipulator about it. Try not to introduce the manipulator to your social circle. When you have got what you negotiate for, you can formulate an exit strategy fast and leave the manipulator in record time. Remember: you are the most important person in the universe, so you have to protect yourself and your interests.

You’re a victim.

As a result, you are automatically entitled to all kinds of support from family, friends, and the government. You can even officially ask for compensation from the abuser. In case you are married, you can collect evidence of your abuse and demand compensation. Take the abuser to the court if it’s necessary. The key is to document all the forms of abuse you have endured in the relationship.

After ending the toxic relationship….

If you have left the toxic relationship, it’s time to move on! I know social distancing is necessary because of the current pandemic, so you have to be a creative dater when you join the dating scene again.

Firstly, you should try a virtual date. This can be done on SimplyDating.com because our website offers an online video chat with automatic translation. Ukrainian ladies in our database are learning English all the time because they want to communicate with men like you more effectively. Secondly, why not have a virtual dinner date online and then watch a movie on Netflix with your date? Netflix has recently introduced a feature that allows two individuals to chat online when they watch the same film.

Better times await! Get back into dating and you may just find your soul mate with Simply Dating. Join us as we dive into more dating advice and demystify the world of international dating. We’re certain that you’ll feature on our wholesome list of Success Stories soon enough with your lady love!

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