International dating advice: What story are you telling yourself?

Each person’s reality isn’t really about what has happened to them in life. In fact, it’s all about how this person explains, interprets and responds to what has happened to them in life. When it comes to your past relationships, what story you are telling yourself determines your status quo and your future direction.

If it’s necessary, you may need to change your story.

After working in the international dating industry for so many years, I’ve realized that the main difference between two people is mainly about different stories that they tell themselves. Let me show you two examples now.

Henry got a divorce two years ago. Since then, he has been complaining about his ex-wife whenever there is a chance to do that. On his first date with a new lady that he met an online dating site, he was talking about how terrible his ex-wife was most of the time. They didn’t have a second date.

Joe got a divorce five years ago. Since then, whenever people ask him about his ex-wife, he would say something along the lines of, “I don’t have anything negative to say about her.” Actually, Joe’s comments on all of his ex-partners are quite positive. He says, “Even though we are not together anymore for some reason, I still think all of my ex-partners are amazing people. Each of them is a great woman.”

As I’m typing this article on my computer right now, Henry is still single and complaining about his loneliness, his ex-wife and his reality. By contrast, Joe is dating a very attractive and elegant Russian woman.

It is clear that if you are unhappy with your life, you probably need to change your story. Here is why: The story that you tell yourself affects your thinking. Your thinking influences your perception. Your perception determines your choices. Your choices become your destiny. Hence, you would be well-advised to tell yourself an empowering story rather than a draining story when it comes to your previous relationships. Don’t be a victim! Be a strong man. ?

What impedes you can also empower you.

Indeed, although difficult situations are inevitable, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to let bad things happen. Truthfully, you can find positives in any situation.

For example, a crisis gives the opportunity for you to do things that you couldn’t do in the past. I know some people who thrive in spite of the pandemic, because of the pandemic. Let me explain.

Steve was a university lecturer before the pandemic. Because of the pandemic, the university doesn’t have enough students anymore (a lot of their students were international students from overseas previously). Therefore, Steve can’t keep his job. Realistically, the competition in the workplace was increasingly stiff anyway because his supervisor likes his competitors more.

“Even though people tell me that I’m better than my competitors, I still believe that my capabilities are just as good as the reaction I get. Nothing more, and certainly nothing less,” says Steve, “I don’t blame anyone because I’m fully responsible for everything that has happened in my life. I take full responsibility. I’m very grateful for how things panned out in the end.”

Because Steve started to future-proof his career in 2015, he also runs an internet business which is completely location-independent. That’s why he doesn’t really rely on his day job at university. Since he is very well-educated and intelligent, he deserves to build something that he actually enjoys and can have fun with.

Right now, Steve has a successful online business that doesn’t require him to wake up before 9am every day.

Similarly, when it comes to online dating, a rejection is probably a good thing because without that rejection, you probably wouldn’t meet the wonderful partner that you deserve later on.

Real gentlemen like old-fashioned etiquette rules.

When you are ready to join the online dating scene, you will realize that some old-fashioned etiquette rules are pretty good for dating and humanity.

First of all, you are supposed to open doors for the Eastern European woman. Let’s say you have a dinner date with her. You should open the door of the elegant restaurant for the lady. This gesture costs you nothing and it’s easy. What’s more, this will make her feel really good and can build the attraction instantly.

Second, you need to maintain eye contact for at least 80% of a conversation on the date. Don’t take her for granted. Cherish each moment, please. You are not supposed to look at your phone when you go out with an Eastern European lady because you should show more respect.

“Cherish what you have. Be grateful every day.”