The importance of boundaries in love & international dating

international dating

Australian relationship consultant Wala Truscott once famously said to a VIP client, “You are married; however, you think marriage is very challenging. You are not alone. Everyone has difficulties in their marriages. Marriage is only for mature people who can stay married. Although a marriage is about two people sharing everything with each other, the marriage won’t last when boundaries are absent.” That is so profound.

Why you need emotional boundaries in love and international dating:

Emotional boundaries make the connection in a marriage stronger. Emotional connection is true love in a marriage. You genuinely like each other; you have many shared experiences in life; you try your best not to hurt each other’s feelings.

Interestingly, the best way to make the connection in a marriage stronger is not sharing all experiences with each other. In fact, emotional boundaries are important in marriage. Let’s say you never give your spouse any space. This marriage will become boring.

Lisa Bilyeu started multiple businesses with her husband Tom Bilyeu (co-founder of Quest Nutrition). They’ve had lots of shared experiences. Nevertheless, when Lisa Bilyeu was starting her own podcast, she didn’t ask her husband to be a part of it. Instead, she asked her best friend to be her co-host. When her husband Tom Bilyeu went to see her in the studio, he saw a different side of Lisa Bilyeu. “I can see that Lisa is such a good woman. I like her even more when I saw her running her podcast,” says Lisa Bilyeu’s husband. “I’m so proud of my wife.”

Financial boundaries are paramount as well in love and international dating:

Money boundaries in marriage are of vital importance. Love and human nature are two different things. The best marriages all have something in common: they have clear money boundaries.

Here is how to set money boundaries in marriage. Firstly, couples with a lot of money may get a pre-nup. I know this doesn’t sound like the best thing or the most romantic thing in the world; nonetheless, please let me explain. When you sign a pre-nup, you know no matter what happens, your money is safe. Therefore, you will feel better and more relaxed in your marriage. That is why you can stay happily married. Yet if you don’t feel comfortable with a pre-nup, you’ll be more worried, concerned and anxious in your marriage. That is why you cannot stay happily married and may get a divorce. Secondly, not all couples have a large amount of wealth. As a result, if you don’t need a pre-nup, that’s okay. However, you still should set money boundaries in marriage. You and your spouse have a shared bank account which pays all shared bills, e.g. housing, the Internet, electricity and water. You also have some shared savings. Then you and your spouse have personal bank accounts. You don’t share your passwords with each other. You use your personal bank account to do things you want to do, whether it’s investing or buying designer shoes. This is up to you. In addition, your spouse uses their personal bank account to do things they want to do. This gives you the freedom you need in a marriage.

Basically, emotional boundaries and money boundaries are both paramount in a sustainable, satisfying and happy marriage. If all couples can set boundaries in marriage, this world will become a much better place. That is exactly why these two ideas are very practical, useful and beneficial.

Other boundaries in love and international dating:

This is a true story.

About five years ago, I was dating a man who is from a different cultural background. Everything went well except one area: I couldn’t stand his best friend’s wife.

The reason I couldn’t stand her is because she saw me as a threat to her marriage. For some reason, she was extremely paranoid – she thought her husband was attracted to me because she was so insecure.

I’m pretty sure there was nothing going on between her husband and me.

Therefore, I politely told the man who I was dating that I was unwilling to be involved in his social circle when that woman is there. In fact, none of his friends really liked that woman because she caused a lot of conflict in their social circle. In the end, I said, “I’m happy to see you again, but I can’t be there when she is involved. I’m just more discerning.” I think the last sentence possibly hurt his male ego. That’s why he stopped talking to me altogether.

“It is evident that social circle boundaries is also key in international dating!”

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