Online dating advice: The importance of having a serious relationship

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A well-known psychologist in New York City once said, “Unemployment is just like anxiety and depression; unemployment is also a mental health issue. Having a real job and a serious relationship gives a person a structured life, which is very important to an individual’s mental health and wellbeing.” Clearly, the importance of having a serious relationship should be emphasized, especially in the online dating space.

Why you need a structured life:

When you have a real job, you wake up and go to bed at the same time every day. You have a career goal to work towards. You are motivated because you get paid for doing your work. Because you are busy working hard, you don’t have the bandwidth to overthink or dwell on your past unhappiness. This is very good for your mental health.

Also, when you have a meaningful relationship, you want to impress your partner. You love and appreciate each other. This type of gratitude makes you a better person, so a real relationship is also very important to your mental health. At the end of the day, love eliminates fear. Fear is the root cause of most mental health problems.

In the online dating space, promotes serious relationships. In other words, we believe that meaningful, long-term relationships are good for everyone and humanity. Therefore, every member in our community looks for real relationships only.

Before landing a relationship, find out who you really are.

Simon Sinek has a well-known TED talk Start with Why as well as a popular book Find Your Why. These all sound very good, yet I’d like to argue that before finding your why, you need to find out who you really are first.

It’s crucial to find out who you really are before you start a serious relationship via an online dating site… or everything & anything significant in your life.

Now I’d like to ask you a question: When challenging situations arose, how did you respond in the past?

Note that your answer to this key question reveals who you really are. I can show you some typical examples below:

After Jim’s divorce, he started to have intrusive thoughts due to anxiety and depression. In order to avoid those intrusive thoughts, Jim chose to drink a lot of alcohol. Consequently, he was unable to wake up in the morning and was fired by his boss. Now Jim lives in his parents’ basement.

After Robert’s divorce, he began to have intrusive thoughts because of depression and anxiety. Therefore, he went to see a psychologist and read several books about mental health. He learned that in order to cope with intrusive thoughts, he mustn’t resist those thoughts. Instead, he should gradually make the unbearable thoughts bearable over time. “Life is just a series of letting-go’s” says Jim, “What I need is hobbies. A lot of them. Because hobbies are about who I really am, enjoying my hobbies is the special time between me and me.” Now Jim dances to Savage Garden’s pop songs every day. He has become fit and happy. What’s more, Jim has started his own business which is already reasonably successful. He has recently joined an online dating website to look for love again.

Obviously, the way you handle challenging situations in life tells you who you are. Are you someone who tends to shy away from the world when something negative happens? Or are you someone who finds solutions to issues and becomes a better person in spite of the pain? If you like the way you handled challenging situations in your life, it means you like who you really are. Otherwise, you must become someone else.

Everything that’s happened in your reality is teaching you who you are.

The universe simply gives you what you are able to handle. You don’t get what you want in life because you can only get who you really are.

That is to say, you only handle the kind of stress that you can handle well. For instance, if you don’t have online dating skills in this day and age (during the pandemic), you probably have to stay single. Since it’s a skill that you do not possess, your reality must match who you are.

By contrast, if you are very good at dating and relationships, you can have a great love life and stay happily married. Now it’s time for a reality check: In order to get what you want, who do you need to be? Become that person now!

“What is your identity statement? Write it down somewhere you can see every day and be that person now!”

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