The entire process of forming a blended family is oftentimes a rewarding & challenging journey. Before considering forming a blended family, you should do these things first.
No. 1: Make sure that your relationship with your partner is actually strong and solid.
A strong and solid relationship with your partner is the real prerequisite of building a successful blended family, as without a genuine connection, this marriage will not have a true foundation. A happy blended family is built on a sustainable marriage. ?
Therefore, it’s time to ask yourself these questions:
- Do my partner and I have an authentic connection?
- Is the emotional connection in this romantic relationship based on mutual respect?
- Is the chemistry real? (If the chemistry is non-existent, you can’t manufacture it at all and it will only get worse.)
Do my partner and I have mutual benefits? (Mutual benefits can be a business that you’ve built together, a future vision that you share, etc. Note that if you don’t have mutual benefits, “other people’s kids” might become conflict of interest in this relationship in the long term. I know this isn’t the most pleasant thing to say, but it’s the reality for a lot of blended families that eventually fall apart. Statistics show that couples who have children from previous relationships are more likely to get divorced because their divorce rate is up to 75% in western countries.)
No. 2: Make respect a priority.
A relationship doesn’t really exist when respect is absent. When two individuals truly respect each other, they are always civil, thereby making everything so much easier. In a blended family, this is key.
Whenever respect is challenged, you will have to call out the unacceptable behavior immediately. Otherwise, you are rewarding bad behavior, which will only lead to more and more bad behavior. Remember: Reward good behavior; punish bad behavior – this is how you train anyone in your life properly and effectively.
No. 3: Cultivate compassion.
Different members in a blended family might have totally different needs. For instance, a toddler’s needs are very different from a teenager’s needs. As a result, having compassion for each other is the cornerstone of a sustainable blended family.
By the way, you have to be a reasonably selfless person in order to thrive in a blended family. Having said that, it doesn’t mean you must sacrifice your own needs. Truthfully, you need to fill your own cup first – by taking care of your own needs first, you feel satisfied, confident and happy already, so you will have the bandwidth to look after someone else. This creates a virtuous circle in the blended family.
No. 4: Provide room and space for growth.
It often takes some time for people to get used to a new environment. Therefore, patience is definitely required. You’d better allow sufficient space and room for future growth – after several years, everyone will feel closer to each other in the blended family.
That is to say, your step-children may not like you right now, but if you keep investing in your relationships with them, they will understand your kindness and Law of Reciprocity is real.
No. 5: Have more shared experiences, thereby strengthening the bond.
A good connection is built on sufficient shared experiences together. As a result, you may take the children to the cinema sometimes, so everybody could enjoy themselves when they spend quality time in a positive context. Indeed, more shared experiences create a better connection in the blended family.
What makes everyone happy in the blended family? Going to the amusement park? Going to the zoo? Do that more often!
No. 6: Keep your expectations realistic.
Please do not expect the blended family to be perfect. Just play the long game – every relationship requires effort and work. You make an effort today and results will come in the future.
If you need support, just learn how to ask for help. You can ask your partner to help you. If your partner loves you, she will definitely help you. Note that in a blended family, your relationship with your partner is the most important relationship, because without this relationship, other relationships cannot exist.
Also, if you need professional support, you may speak to a counsellor. Most organizations provide employees with free counselling sessions (Employee Assistance Program).
No. 7: Know the importance of self-love.
Always love yourself first. You can only love someone else when you already feel loved, satisfied and energized. You can’t love anyone when you feel depleted, exhausted and angry. So, you would be well-advised to learn how to ask for what you deserve tactfully and prioritize your own needs at all times.
“In the international dating space, many people are considering blending their families. Have you done any of these?”
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