Advice for men dating Ukrainian ladies: be a leader

Many Western men who have dated Western women have probably felt that feminism is quite mainstream in Western countries. Truthfully, that is not a great feeling. Especially when you know that the family law in Western countries doesn’t protect men’s rights. Indeed, when you are dating a Western woman, she may want to dominate you. But when you are dating a Ukrainian girlfriend, you must be the leader in the relationship!

When you’re dating Ukrainian ladies, you either lead or be misled.

As a matter of fact, I’d like you to see yourself as a manager in the dynamics.

The manager’s mindset is paramount. Try not to believe that employees hate their work and can only be motivated by rewards and punishments. A manager would be well-advised to believe that employees are committed, creative and responsible. The manager’s new mindset will influence the dynamics in the organization, for the manager’s behaviour is determined by their mindset. That is to say, when the manager adjusts his/her mindset, the manager’s behaviour will change. When the manager’s behaviour changes, employees’ behaviour will have to change due to the new dynamics.

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (Kinicki & Fugate 2018, p. 165), financial security is a part of basic human needs, i.e. safety. Therefore, when employees’ financial security is absent, they would not seek high-level needs. As a result, the manager must make sure employees receive reasonable salaries. After confirming that employees actually have financial security, the manager can focus on satisfying employees’ high-level needs such as self-actualization.

Learn to value the right things

In addition, different employees have different personalities; hence, the manager should assess each employee’s personality and then meet their specific needs accordingly. For instance, if an employee values achievement, the manager needs to give this employee more challenging tasks that can demonstrate a high achiever’s ability. If an employee values affiliation, the manager could ask them to work in teams that are best characterised by collegiality and cooperation. Then the manager can praise them in private. If an employee values power, the manager should let them be in charge when it is appropriate and give them recognition more frequently.

Moreover, the manager can use the I-Deals approach in terms of job design. In this way, employees are encouraged to negotiate for themselves, thereby making career development more flexible. Furthermore, the manager will have a better understanding of every employee’s personality during this process, which helps the manager know how to motivate employees more effectively. Clearly, the above-mentioned analysis is about employee motivation. Similarly, how can you motivate your Ukrainian bride? You simply need to figure out what motivates her and what makes her emotionally responsive and do exactly that accordingly.

When dating Ukrainian ladies:

I’ve certainly utilised my management mindset to improve the quality of my international relationship with a Ukrainian lady.

Since the main issue in my organisation is employees’ lack of motivation and commitment, as a manager, I must take action to improve the situation.

It’s very important for me to have a new mindset. I choose to believe that employees are committed and responsible. I’m sure my mindset will influence the dynamics in the organisation because my behaviour is determined by my mindset. In other words, when I adjust my mindset, my behaviour will change. When my behaviour changes, my employees’ behaviour will have to change in the new dynamics.

Needs decide your deeds

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, basic needs must be met before people expect high-level needs to be met, so the prerequisite of motivating employees is to make sure their basic needs are met. That means employees should receive reasonable salaries, because when financial security is absent, employees wouldn’t seek high-level needs, and financial security is a part of safety. After confirming that the employee’s financial security is there, I will focus on satisfying the employee’s other needs like self-actualization. Without financial security, people don’t care about self-actualization. That’s the unpleasant realism.

Also, different employees have different personalities, so I’ll assess each employee’s personality and meet their specific needs accordingly. For example, if an employee values achievement, I will give them more challenging tasks that will demonstrate a high achiever’s ability. If an employee values affiliation, I will ask them to work in teams that encourage cooperation and collegiality, and I will praise them in private. If an employee values power, I will let them be in charge when it’s suitable, and I will definitely give them recognition when it’s appropriate.

When you do what you do is important

Of course, I will use the I-Deals approach when it comes to job design. I will encourage employees to negotiate for themselves so that career development becomes more flexible.

Obviously, because I understand that any real relationship is about value exchange, I tend to acknowledge my Ukrainian lady’s good behaviour frequently. I mean, I am her provider, and she appreciates me very much. Meanwhile, she has very traditional values and can take care of the household extremely well. We are the best partners in love and in life.

What would happen if you were not a leader in an international relationship?

If you aren’t a leader, you will be misled by your wife. This is especially true when you are in an international marriage. Let me explain.

Let’s say you are married to a Ukrainian wife, and she has moved to the United States. Apparently, everything is new and different in her opinion, so she surely needs your guidance and help. If you can’t offer enough support, what can she do? She only has two options:

1) she will have to figure things out by herself;

2) she will ask for help elsewhere

Ask yourself: do you really want other men to help her? Probably not. I know this sounds like common sense. But I’ve seen some men make this mistake in their love lives. When their foreign brides couldn’t get enough support at home, these ladies were looking for help elsewhere. Some of them were asking their English language teachers about what to do and where to go in this new environment, while others were asking their neighbours for advice. These shouldn’t happen in the first place. Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with talking to her English teacher or a neighbour. I mean, you must be her main support system in this country. Otherwise, she will turn to someone else for support. Women are very emotional and highly value connection and relationships with people. Please don’t ignore this fact. Never make this mistake if you are looking to marry a Ukrainian bride. Good luck!

Please note that many Eastern European brides don’t need lots of their husbands’ energy and time – they are not high-maintenance women.

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